An already sleepless night and the knock on my door finds me awake. It is 4am and Baby Lex is not breathing well. He is in obvious distress. I run down the stairs. “Baby, hold on.” Oxygen doesn’t help. He is fighting. He won’t stop crying but he won’t stop looking at me. He is exhausted and unable to rest.
A million questions run through my mind. Just yesterday we celebrated that his diahrea had stopped and he had gained a whole kilogram. He had laughed a little and shown just a peek of his lovely personality. But this morning, he was in anguish. After two hours of deliberation, the painful decision was made to take him to hospital. There are standard practices done here such as suctioning and intubating that we long ago decided we would never subject a baby to again. It makes hospitals not the first resort, but the last
Now, unsure if we are doing the right thing, we agree he needs an IV with antibiotics. That is our only hope. There are schedules to be made up- no one is ever left in the hospital without someone to monitor and take care of them. That is not done by nurses here. There are other crisis and babies to be cared for and monitored here at GH, so I opt to send Ezekiel and our Australian volunteers.
I kiss his tiny cheeks and hand him to Amy (one of the volunteers) and they leave in a taxi.
Though I am aware of miracles, I am unsure how I feel. We didn’t get him soon enough, perhaps. They left him too long without getting help. And now 24 hours after being on an IV, he is still in crisis. He is not yet responding to any treatment and he is so very weak. The medial terms and countless discussions swirl in my head. This precious child has suffered so much already. I know how to distance myself to deal with crisis- in sickness and in death. But something about little Lex does not allow me to shut my emotions down. As I monitor his care by cell phone and text, my heart is heavy. How long will he fight to live?
Sweet baby Lex. God has a plan for your life. The responsibility of these little ones is great but just as I was sure of God’s hand in bringing little Lex to us, I am sure of God’s hand to hold him.